I must be crazy. Getting a grip on the finances to start another adoption isn't easy. Aside from having recently bought a new car (which we put off for 2 yrs longer than we intended because of Yana's adoption), we AGAIN had more large vet bills for the dog (if you can remember, we started our last adoption off with a large pet bill though this time it was about twice as much, $800). Anyway, not that I want to post about the financial details of our lives, but basically, getting things rolling seems to a bit of a struggle.

 

But, here's the thing, I just canNOT shake this incredible pull. Something inside me is just SCREAMING that this is what we should be doing. With he first adoption it was so much about wanting another child, a daughter. We met Yana and I wanted her so badly to be our daughter. Dan just knew she was our daughter before we even hosted her. I wanted it but didn't feel like I could sort out what was WANT and what was "this is meant to be" but Dan could feel it.

 

This time, I do want another daughter but so much more than the want is this feeling...this undeniably strong feeling that the little girl (we will call her "Flower" for now), that I mentioned in the previous post, is our daughter.

 

I keep asking myself, "Do we really need to go through another adoption (financially)?" and every part of my being screams "YES!!". It's almost like a fight between body and soul. My head is saying financially it may not be the responsible thing but my soul is saying it is what is meant to be and the rest will work itself out.

 

But here is the thing that's even stranger to me. The thing is, I haven't even met her yet!! When we went to Ukraine to adopt Yana, I left after the court hearing 2 wks after arriving there. Dan stayed the last 2 wks with Yana. While it was just the 2 of them, they spent a lot of time at the internat around the other children. Yana would spend lots of time playing with just her best friend, so Dan was playing with the other kids. He had his 3 buddies. 2 of the girls I mentioned in a post when I first returned (both girls are not available for adoption, by the way). The 3rd girl was "Flower". Dan has told me about her and shown me pictures of her. But it was just a few weeks back that her picture started calling to me (sounds spooky, but don't worry it was a feeling not a sound LOL). She just got in my head, then into my soul.

 

And the story continues....so, on a completely different note, I have been responding back and forth with the mother of Yana's other best friend (adopted to an American family last year). We have been tossing around the idea of getting together sometime this summer. She is going to host another child, one she has hosted before, who is also a friend of both girls. I asked if she was looking to get together while she was hosting so all the girls could see each other or some other time. She invited us to come visit while she hosted if we wanted (she won't be able to leave town while hosting) and told me about some of the other children that Yana knows that would also be in town for this hosting trip. One of the children she mentioned was "Flower".

 

As soon as she emailed me and I read "Flower's" name, I immediately emailed her back to find out if it was the same girl. She wrote back right away and pretty much confirmed (by description) that it was! My heart sank. I wrote her back a big "OH NO!" because we hoped to find out about possibly adopting her. I asked her if she knew whether the host family was interested in adoption, seems to me most times they are. I couldn't believe it, she wrote back and said that the host family was good friends of her and they are definitely not interested in adoption , just looking to give "Flower" this wonderful experience with a family!! 

 

So to wrap this up, the host family knows of our interest in "Flower" and I'm told they are thrilled. We are planning on making the trip to visit while she is in town in a few weeks.

 

I should share though, that we still do not know anything about her adoption status. It is very possible that she is not available for adoption yet or may never be (those other 2 girls have family members that visit regularly).

 

Anyway, we are so excited! Please pray (or wish) for us that everything will work out as they are meant to. I know I will.